All of us rely on external circumstances to a degree. We all need food, water, air, shelter, clothing etc to meet our basic needs.
However, too many of us anchor our internal happiness on the external world and then struggle. Our sense of joy and love can become dependent on external factors such as the weather, politics, sports, the news and even our loved ones.
What do we experience as a result? We constantly swim in the ocean of external stimuli and let it cause havoc with our inner world. We become too reliant on the external world for our internal happiness.
If our spouse agrees with us, we’re happy; else we’re frustrated.
If our kids listen to us, we’re happy; else, we’re frustrated and mad.
If things go well at work, we’re happy; else we’re frustrated.
Do you see a trend here?
It’s so easy to become frustrated and lose our power in all of this.
When we continue to rely on external circumstances for our inner peace and happiness, it only takes one thing to throw us off balance.
So if what you desire is freedom from this constant reliance on the external world, the first step is to fully recognize that we’ve become so dependent on it. Only then can the possibility for freedom arise.
At this point, I invite you to take out a piece of paper and write down the things you find yourself dependent upon for your happiness.
List all the people, places and things that you’re dependent upon for your happiness:
Which things or objects are you dependent upon for your happiness?
Which places are you dependent upon for your happiness?
Which circumstances are you dependent upon for your happiness?
Which people are you dependent upon for your happiness?
Then ask, which of these dependencies are no longer serving my life?
Keep in mind, identifying these dependencies does not mean that you have to distance yourself from people, places or objects. Eliminating them from our life is not a requirement to let go of our dependency. It is the awareness of the dependency on these for your happiness and the stated desire to be free from that dependency that will begin to bring about the internal shift required within you.
Work with one thing at a time. This is key to not overwhelm yourself.
You may ask - How might I shift my relationship with x so that I’m no longer reliant on it for my happiness?
As long as you set an intention, the work will begin to occur within you of its own. You will no longer be the same person when next to the same people, places and things once you’ve written down your intention. Your brain will begin to re-architect your thoughts and emotional patterns and begin creating the new desired reality of independence. You will be able to be around the same people, enjoy their company but not be reliant upon them for your happiness.
Their mood, what they say or don’t say will have less influence on your well being and over time will completely dissipate. The places you rely on for your happiness, whether it be a bar or a park, will have less influence on your internal state of being. You will never look at the objects you’ve been reliant upon for your happiness in the same way, for the recognition that they’ve held you on leash will become clear and the desire for freedom will grow within and begin to break the shackles one bit at a time.
Notice that the heightened awareness and intention are inviting you into a different way of being. It’s inviting you into your own sacredness. From there, a different set of actions will emerge. As you slowly adopt these actions, your life will change forever. Your dependence on everything external for your happiness will drastically shift over time.
Note that we’re not trying to eliminate people, places, things and circumstances from your life. We’re trying to eliminate our dependency for happiness upon them. We’re simply shifting our relationship with these.
Notice how your interaction with people, places and things changes over time. There’s less pressure on you to make others happy or hold them responsible for your own happiness.
Welcome to your own Freedom!
~ Nitin
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